My liver just broke up with me...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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