just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
