I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
