if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
