i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just had sex bonerless
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
