Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
