last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
