Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
