Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
