nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
