hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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