I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
