I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
