he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
