Plan B is the new Plan A
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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