Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
