i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
