this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
