Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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