very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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