I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
