So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
