you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
