I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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