I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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