I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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