My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
