I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
