Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
