btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
