Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
