I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
