mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
