the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
