Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
