I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
