Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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