I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
