and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
