He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
