I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
