lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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