Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
