I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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