Just cropdusted the office
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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