Already got asked if we're dating
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
