Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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