Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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