adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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