i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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