I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
