Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
