Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
