You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
