OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
