grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
